i kind of give up. (not really) (but a little bit today)

I just want to let you all know that i have EIGHT (8) drafts of blogs to go out to you. It has been 2 weeks since my last post and everything I have tried to write has turned into pages of scattered, unfinished thoughts in poorly written sentences. I woke up this morning with high drive, fervently attempted a post I called “The Cost” and, after changing the title +-500 times, trashed it in a click of frustration.

Guys!! it’s one of those times!!

i feel a responsibility to tell you that I’m not at my very best. I’m distracted, anxious, down and, well, unmotivated. I don’t really want any cake, and I don’t really care about my potential chickens. BLAH. πŸ™‚ I’m far from making light of my situation because it’s not light, but it feels good to put it out there for you all in hopes that it connects with you in some way.

In my late teens and early 20s, I was prone to bouts of these kind of doldrums way more often, and I was always worried (understatement of the year) that they would never ever pass. It has only been in the last few years that I have learned that I control things, and the lows pass so much quicker if I stay vigilant in moving forward, no matter how much I want to stay under the covers.

So! That’s what I’m doing – moving forward. but moving forward doesn’t make it any easier to write thoughtful posts for all of you. So I’m writing this instead to let you know that

a) I’m thinking about you, even though I have nothing great to say, and;

b) sometimes this is just how it is. for all of us. Β And guess what? We will all get through it! We need each other, though. So be there for everyone that you know, and those you don’t – even if you aren’t feeling 100%, have compassion for others and get excited about lifting them up – I guarantee that’s the fastest way to get out of your own head. πŸ™‚

I love you guys. and because I don’t want to leave you hanging, below I will write the 8 ideas I had in mind and you can fill in the blanks – I would love to hear your thoughts!

1) the cost – everything costs! make sure what you choose is worth what you are giving up.

2) happy (3 versions! ha the irony!) – choose happiness. find your happiness. life’s too short.

3) there are no wrong choices – self explanatory (?)

4) running partners – find someone who runs faster than you.

5) don’t f*ck with fate – don’t do drugs or drink and drive. just don’t.

6) EDM – how listening to electronic/house music can change your perspective on every other song you listen to (they all sound like they are in slow motion) – parallels to life!

7) trust and vulnerability – how awesome both feel.

8) a mechanic named Don Juan – when my car broke down the first week i bought it, he said “don’t worry, girl, it’s all going to turn out okay. it always does” and I wept.

again, love you guys. picture below from an EYCer’s fridge πŸ™‚


14 responses to “i kind of give up. (not really) (but a little bit today)

  1. I love you to, and I truly mean it!! I think I’ve told you before, but I will tell you again there are two people in the world that I want to be like, my mom is one and “You” my beauty is the other person. Its so strange to know that you are “human” I always see you as a bright ball of sunshine radiating long streams of sunshine down for the rest of us to bask in. You spread love and cheer and happiness everywhere you go and to everyone you see, with no judgement or cost attached. Maybe you are having a partial eclipse, and the moon is covering you up a little bit, lucky for all of us, you will push that moon aside and shine on us and yourself again. I hope you know how much you mean to everyone. I hope you feel the long distance hug, I’m sending you!

  2. You are so amazing and your words already changed my life! I move forward, following my big dream!! I am so thankful for all you did, every word you wrote and said! I wish one day, I can give it all back to you!

  3. Hey Girlfriend! What a beautiful and honest post! I love it! And you!! When I get in a funk, which is rarer these days, I crank up my party tunes and pull out the vacuum! Crazy I know! I imagine all the fur and dust bunnies are the bad juju and I am infusing my entire house with good good lovein’!!!
    P.S. See you soon!!!!!!!!!

  4. I was just listening to some Larry Winget and he said (paraphrased) “remember one of the most common things they say in the Bible is ‘This too shall pass.’ It doesn’t say, ‘This is here to stay.” You know Larry would not lie to us!

  5. Laura! You’re awesome! And in those times you forget that, just ask us and we’ll tell you that you are resoundingly so! I love your posts and I look forward to every occasion we have to chat!

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