these are not my words. They come from the incredible Seth Godin in his latest blog post, speaking about how emotions can become habit, just like anything else. I totally agree, especially when talking about things like victimhood, disappointment, cynicism, unhappiness, etc…
i can get lonely, and I always have. even when i’m surrounded by people, in the middle of great experiences, great relationships, with great friends, I still experience deep moments of loneliness and emptiness that I have become accustomed to. The emptiness has faded day by day, and I would say now it is almost non-existent (!), but the loneliness – when I’m walking to my car, or waking up alone; when I’m going for a run, or driving; doing chores, writing – it remains.
I really don’t look at it as a bad thing, and I tend to fill the space with writing stories, analyzing people, moving toward goals, or listening to important audio books – not Facebook or toxic, dependent relationships – so it’s really not harming me.
I’m not sure exactly why it’s wrong, but I have a gut feeling it really really is. 🙂 Walking up to my apartment tonight, I got the mail and eagerly grabbed a highly-anticipated Amazon box. Aha, see?, I instantly thought, for a split second, only lonely girls look forward to Amazon boxes.
I immediately flashed to Seth’s blog and had a giant realization that this story, this habit of affirming my “tendency toward loneliness” is a crutch, and such a ridiculous habit. Amazon boxes? Give me a break!
Everyone looks forward to Amazon boxes.
So here’s the new deal – I am allowed to feel lonely, but it can’t be something I feel good about, talk about, feed into, or wallow in. and I most certainly cannot ridicule myself with the thought of it. I have a feeling this last part is the part that makes my kind of lonely wrong on so many levels – I have been using it against me, and most likely (most definitely) impeding a ton of progress in areas in my life that I want to be so much better. In the end, loneliness is a wall and an excuse for a lot of victim-y things. And that is something I am not down with.
so I’m done with that habit.
any habit you need to be done with? 🙂