lonely is a habit.

these are not my words. They come from the incredible Seth Godin in his latest blog post, speaking about how emotions can become habit, just like anything else. I totally agree, especially when talking about things like victimhood, disappointment, cynicism, unhappiness, etc…

but loneliness?

i can get lonely, and I always have. even when i’m surrounded by people, in the middle of great experiences, great relationships, with great friends, I still experience deep moments of loneliness and emptiness that I have become accustomed to. The emptiness has faded day by day, and I would say now it is almost non-existent (!), but the loneliness – when I’m walking to my car, or waking up alone; when I’m going for a run, or driving; doing chores, writing – it remains.

I really don’t look at it as a bad thing, and I tend to fill the space with writing stories, analyzing people, moving toward goals, or listening to important audio books – not Facebook or toxic, dependent relationships – so it’s really not harming me.

Right?

well…

Wrong.

I’m not sure exactly why it’s wrong, but I have a gut feeling it really really is. 🙂 Walking up to my apartment tonight, I got the mail and eagerly grabbed a highly-anticipated Amazon box. Aha, see?, I instantly thought, for a split second, only lonely girls look forward to Amazon boxes.

WHAT.

I immediately flashed to Seth’s blog and had a giant realization that this story, this habit of affirming my “tendency toward loneliness” is a crutch, and such a ridiculous habit. Amazon boxes? Give me a break!

Everyone looks forward to Amazon boxes.

So here’s the new deal – I am allowed to feel lonely, but it can’t be something I feel good about, talk about, feed into, or wallow in. and I most certainly cannot ridicule myself with the thought of it. I have a feeling this last part is the part that makes my kind of lonely wrong on so many levels – I have been using it against me, and most likely (most definitely) impeding a ton of progress in areas in my life that I want to be so much better. In the end, loneliness is a wall and an excuse for a lot of victim-y things. And that is something I am not down with.

so I’m done with that habit.

any habit you need to be done with? 🙂

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2 responses to “lonely is a habit.

  1. Nice post. I’m happy to hear you are do with it and taking control. My habit I want to get rid of is PROCRASTINATION. Its a debilitating habit I have had all my life and I as you want to be done with this bad bad habit. Any good reads to help me rid this nasty habit, ideas.

    • Sue!

      Procrastination haunts us all! I have a million different ways to fight it, and I do a pretty good job now.

      I have found the best thing is my timer – a trick I learned from my Dad, who is constantly using the kitchen timer (to us kids’ chagrin) for chores and activities 🙂 Whenever I am putting something off, and I can’t muster up the time or energy to move forward, I a) think about how good it will feel to be done with it, and b) set my timer for 15 minutes and swear that I will stop after those 15 minutes are up.

      of course, what always seems to happen is, after just getting the start, I tend to continue and finish the job well beyond the 15 minute timer.

      also, goal setting helps big time for procrastination – breaking down big goals into bite size pieces…

      I will write more about this in a post – thank you for the inspiration!

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